And because, failure is an option.
It's just not one anyone wants to choose.
You know that as well as I, so why pretend?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
How tall IS the tallest man on earth?
If you happen to know the answer I would appreciate knowing it.
Kthx.
Kthx.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Who would you rather be...
The Beatles, or The Rolling Stones?
And, it's not like I've been particularly busy, or stressed about anything... more or less just lazy.
Lazy like, I started writing this yesterday, but figured it'd be more productive for me to just sit here, and stare at the screen.
And for that reason, I find it difficult to type anything anymore. As I have for over a month.
How about an update?
My life at home had been starting to gain speed as it rolled down the hill of lame, which was gradually turning into a bigger mountain as each day passed. [Yes, I know... Almost everytime I post something on here, I complain about something... but there's no where else for it to be done]
My relationships with most family members were deteriorating, to the point where I would get mad at the drop of a hat. One thing you should know about me is, I never get mad. Well... I do. Often in-fact, but to your face? Not a chance. I hold things in, which is odd for a girl who quite easily speaks her mind, and likes to tell you how things are happening. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of fights, and can dish it out when it's needed, but most of the time... I leave it be.
Until I snapped. Something inside of me kept screaming that I couldn't just let my family walk all over me, without saying a word. I couldn't let them try to control every aspect of my life, while I just put my tail between my legs, and whimpered in agony. I couldn't let them take me for granted, all the while, I just let them.
So I stopped. And began to fight back when I was being yelled at. A thing that, in the whole 20 years I've been alive... I have never, ever, ever in any kind of tone other than civil. Until lately. They were unimpressed. I just didn't care.
The last couple weeks of summer were spent in an underlying tension between us, knowing that I had finally told them how I felt about everything. Which I might add, was turned around on my not respecting them somehow. Whatever... I was done, and only had a few days left till I left. Upon leaving, things were fine and dandy... I said my good-byes, which were more of a see-you later really, and walked out the door.
Now, I find that the more I'm away... the more that I'm missing that craziness of home. And why you might ask? Well, perhaps it's because deep down, I know my family means well, in all they do. Perhaps it's because I feel like I left on a bad note, and want to fix things. Perhaps it's because for so long, it's all knew. Maybe it's all of these, maybe it's none. Who knows? I certainly don't, and can't even begin to try and figure it all out.
Which brings me to my next subject:
Moving Out\School.
One word.
AWESOME
Really, it's unbelievable. I've been gone from home just about a week. And it's fantastic to be where people aren't fighting all the time, or a place where if I do something well, or nice for someone, it's acknowledged and appreciated. Also, my room-mate is one of the coolest people ever. So that's always a bonus too.
Other than that, school's only just begun, and classes are still at a hold, so there isn't much to say about that.
I'm planning on not staying away from here too long, and I could write for ages longer, but I need to hit the hay.
♥b
Where did that expression come from 'Hit the Hay'?
I've been full of a lot of questions lately, and been finding it hard to find some of the answers I seek.
And, it's not like I've been particularly busy, or stressed about anything... more or less just lazy.
Lazy like, I started writing this yesterday, but figured it'd be more productive for me to just sit here, and stare at the screen.
And for that reason, I find it difficult to type anything anymore. As I have for over a month.
How about an update?
My life at home had been starting to gain speed as it rolled down the hill of lame, which was gradually turning into a bigger mountain as each day passed. [Yes, I know... Almost everytime I post something on here, I complain about something... but there's no where else for it to be done]
My relationships with most family members were deteriorating, to the point where I would get mad at the drop of a hat. One thing you should know about me is, I never get mad. Well... I do. Often in-fact, but to your face? Not a chance. I hold things in, which is odd for a girl who quite easily speaks her mind, and likes to tell you how things are happening. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of fights, and can dish it out when it's needed, but most of the time... I leave it be.
Until I snapped. Something inside of me kept screaming that I couldn't just let my family walk all over me, without saying a word. I couldn't let them try to control every aspect of my life, while I just put my tail between my legs, and whimpered in agony. I couldn't let them take me for granted, all the while, I just let them.
So I stopped. And began to fight back when I was being yelled at. A thing that, in the whole 20 years I've been alive... I have never, ever, ever in any kind of tone other than civil. Until lately. They were unimpressed. I just didn't care.
The last couple weeks of summer were spent in an underlying tension between us, knowing that I had finally told them how I felt about everything. Which I might add, was turned around on my not respecting them somehow. Whatever... I was done, and only had a few days left till I left. Upon leaving, things were fine and dandy... I said my good-byes, which were more of a see-you later really, and walked out the door.
Now, I find that the more I'm away... the more that I'm missing that craziness of home. And why you might ask? Well, perhaps it's because deep down, I know my family means well, in all they do. Perhaps it's because I feel like I left on a bad note, and want to fix things. Perhaps it's because for so long, it's all knew. Maybe it's all of these, maybe it's none. Who knows? I certainly don't, and can't even begin to try and figure it all out.
Which brings me to my next subject:
Moving Out\School.
One word.
AWESOME
Really, it's unbelievable. I've been gone from home just about a week. And it's fantastic to be where people aren't fighting all the time, or a place where if I do something well, or nice for someone, it's acknowledged and appreciated. Also, my room-mate is one of the coolest people ever. So that's always a bonus too.
Other than that, school's only just begun, and classes are still at a hold, so there isn't much to say about that.
I'm planning on not staying away from here too long, and I could write for ages longer, but I need to hit the hay.
♥b
Where did that expression come from 'Hit the Hay'?
I've been full of a lot of questions lately, and been finding it hard to find some of the answers I seek.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I've just seen a face,
And I can't forget the time or place where we just met.
Had it been another day, I might have looked the other way.
I wonder if it's the same for both parties involved.
There's no sun today, for the first time in a while, there is no sun. Generally, I'm not really opposed to clouds, as if you look closely enough you'll see that the world is pigmented with a slight shade of blue. Blue has always been a favourite of mine. But today, I'd hoped there'd be a bit of sun. I have a canvas sitting alone in the corner, begging me for colour, for some life, for a purpose. Were it to be sunny today, I would have managed to escape the prison I've been locked away in. And while it's been a self-admittance, I've made a promise to myself to not stay captive to these four green walls. But alas, for one more day, I will remain inside, while the inspiration I've been looking for is outside, breathing freedom. The same freedom I wish I could just grasp hold of.
I will turn off, and I will shut down. The come and go's are restless in my head.
Alas, I'll pull out the canvas, I will stare at it, and take that restlessness, and convert it, into an image.
An image only I can appreciate the true meaning behind.
♥ b.
But all the while, I've been delivering idiots and photographs, wishing for happiness and disaster.
Had it been another day, I might have looked the other way.
I wonder if it's the same for both parties involved.
There's no sun today, for the first time in a while, there is no sun. Generally, I'm not really opposed to clouds, as if you look closely enough you'll see that the world is pigmented with a slight shade of blue. Blue has always been a favourite of mine. But today, I'd hoped there'd be a bit of sun. I have a canvas sitting alone in the corner, begging me for colour, for some life, for a purpose. Were it to be sunny today, I would have managed to escape the prison I've been locked away in. And while it's been a self-admittance, I've made a promise to myself to not stay captive to these four green walls. But alas, for one more day, I will remain inside, while the inspiration I've been looking for is outside, breathing freedom. The same freedom I wish I could just grasp hold of.
I will turn off, and I will shut down. The come and go's are restless in my head.
Alas, I'll pull out the canvas, I will stare at it, and take that restlessness, and convert it, into an image.
An image only I can appreciate the true meaning behind.
♥ b.
But all the while, I've been delivering idiots and photographs, wishing for happiness and disaster.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
I won't share you.
I've called to wish you an un-happy birthday.
I've called to wish you an un-happy birthday.
Because you're evil
and you lie
And, if you should die, I might feel slightly sad.
{ but I won't cry }
The Smiths; Morrisey; Lyrical. Genius.
Moving day: September 5th.
School begins: September 9th.
I'm growing more annoyed with the parental units, and 'friends' and the siblings.
The day I get away, it'll surely bring a ray of sun back.
♥b
I hope.
I've called to wish you an un-happy birthday.
Because you're evil
and you lie
And, if you should die, I might feel slightly sad.
{ but I won't cry }
The Smiths; Morrisey; Lyrical. Genius.
Moving day: September 5th.
School begins: September 9th.
I'm growing more annoyed with the parental units, and 'friends' and the siblings.
The day I get away, it'll surely bring a ray of sun back.
♥b
I hope.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I wonder...
if this is worth my time anymore.
The way I feel right doesn't exactly fit into the 'sunshine and rainbows' category,
yet I give the impression that's where I am.
I need to stop lying, to myself of course, and finally let them know,
that I DO care, I've always cared.
That is al.
♥b
The way I feel right doesn't exactly fit into the 'sunshine and rainbows' category,
yet I give the impression that's where I am.
I need to stop lying, to myself of course, and finally let them know,
that I DO care, I've always cared.
That is al.
♥b
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
One, Two, Skip a few...
Ninety-Nine, A HUNDRED!
Was I the only kid who used to say that? I hope not.
So, I've started reading Still Alice, which is a book about a woman who gets Alzheimer's. I knew this before I even started reading the book, and it got me to thinking; What if that happens to me? What if I start to forget things that I don't want to forget? What if I can only remember bad things? So, I grabbed my new journal and compiled a list. Well, two lists. The first of things I never want to forget(thus far). And things I'd like to forget, but don't think I ever will.
Dear Becky,
Don't forget these things:
- Losing your two front teeth in the front yard, and getting a two dollar bill.
- Wearing plaid pants, with polka dot shirts.
- Playing Barbies with the boys in the neighbor hood.
- Dressing up in old figure skating outfits, and walking around the neighborhood.
- Being in an Anne of Green Gables look-a-like contest.
- Having hair that went down to your knees.
- Never, not ONCE, breaking a bone.
- Having knee surgery, then thinking you were paralyzed afterward.
- Loving rollerblades.
- Buying your first Comic.
- Having some of the most amazing friends ANYONE could ask for.
- Having one of those friends turn out to something more.
- The day you came home from school, to see your mom with a dog, and finding out it was yours.
- Being daddy's little girl
- Calling your father 'Daddy' longer than you should have.
- Having Curtis as a best friend for the longest time.
- Hiding imaginary animals in the vents on the side of the school.
- Falling in love.
- Your first kiss.
- The first time you rode a bike without training wheels.
- Deciding to stop being so shy.
- Realizing that music means more to you than you once thought.
- That water balloon fight with the whole of the neighborhood.
- Learning to drive.
- Failing your drivers test the first time.
- Graduating high-school.
- Deciding that girls cause too much drama.
- Laughing so hard you cried.
There are more, many more. But for now... that's all I'm going to put up here.
Dear Becky,
Don't remember these things forever:
- Being unhappy.
- Losing Curtis, and what that did to you.
- Having your heart broken.
- Being compared to your sister in most everything.
- How you felt the day your dog died.
- Feeling alone.
- Losing too many people, in a short time frame.
Those are some of the big things, there are little things I want to not remember like, falling on my face at the beach. But for now... that's all.
...Remember that one time we climbed the trees, so we could reach the rainbow?
♥ b.
We weren't tall enough.
Was I the only kid who used to say that? I hope not.
So, I've started reading Still Alice, which is a book about a woman who gets Alzheimer's. I knew this before I even started reading the book, and it got me to thinking; What if that happens to me? What if I start to forget things that I don't want to forget? What if I can only remember bad things? So, I grabbed my new journal and compiled a list. Well, two lists. The first of things I never want to forget(thus far). And things I'd like to forget, but don't think I ever will.
Dear Becky,
Don't forget these things:
- Losing your two front teeth in the front yard, and getting a two dollar bill.
- Wearing plaid pants, with polka dot shirts.
- Playing Barbies with the boys in the neighbor hood.
- Dressing up in old figure skating outfits, and walking around the neighborhood.
- Being in an Anne of Green Gables look-a-like contest.
- Having hair that went down to your knees.
- Never, not ONCE, breaking a bone.
- Having knee surgery, then thinking you were paralyzed afterward.
- Loving rollerblades.
- Buying your first Comic.
- Having some of the most amazing friends ANYONE could ask for.
- Having one of those friends turn out to something more.
- The day you came home from school, to see your mom with a dog, and finding out it was yours.
- Being daddy's little girl
- Calling your father 'Daddy' longer than you should have.
- Having Curtis as a best friend for the longest time.
- Hiding imaginary animals in the vents on the side of the school.
- Falling in love.
- Your first kiss.
- The first time you rode a bike without training wheels.
- Deciding to stop being so shy.
- Realizing that music means more to you than you once thought.
- That water balloon fight with the whole of the neighborhood.
- Learning to drive.
- Failing your drivers test the first time.
- Graduating high-school.
- Deciding that girls cause too much drama.
- Laughing so hard you cried.
There are more, many more. But for now... that's all I'm going to put up here.
Dear Becky,
Don't remember these things forever:
- Being unhappy.
- Losing Curtis, and what that did to you.
- Having your heart broken.
- Being compared to your sister in most everything.
- How you felt the day your dog died.
- Feeling alone.
- Losing too many people, in a short time frame.
Those are some of the big things, there are little things I want to not remember like, falling on my face at the beach. But for now... that's all.
...Remember that one time we climbed the trees, so we could reach the rainbow?
♥ b.
We weren't tall enough.
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