Things Are Reminding Me Of You

I've been feeling really weird a lot lately, and I'm not sure what the cause of this is. I do know however that there are some things that I would like to say. Some truths I just can't manage to get out, so I figure, AH! My blog! A perfect place to come and write something so personal, that I would never be able to put anywhere else. 

A list of truths contain such:

I'm beginning to actually really dislike my family. I know, I know, this is a horrible thing. And I'll love them no matter what, but I feel like they're just holding me back. Keeping me trapped in this place, unable to ever leave. 

I need to be happy. I haven't been feeling much of anything lately, and all I want is to feel at least a tiny bit of happy. Now, I'm not going to get into the reasons behind this, but I just want to be happy. Scratch that, I need to be happy.

I'm bored. With everything, with my house, with school, with no job, with my artwork, with my photos. Just bored. 

I don't believe in God anymore. I used to with all of my heart, and everything that I was. Too much has happened in my life, which led me to believe I'd be abandoned by 'God'. There was a point where I did believe, I just questioned it a lot. I'm now to the point where I do not believe, and nothing can be done to change that. It's just how it's going to be. Well, until Jesus comes down and talks to me himself. Until then though, nada. 

I really do love PEI. Just there's so much about it that makes me smile, the beaches, the people, the communities, the culture. It's just really a great place. But the thing is, I'm growing tired of it.  I need a change of pace, a change of culture. Just a change really, one that PEI can't provide me with.  So when money is stable, when school is done I will leave. 

And the last one that's been jumping around my brain lately is: I don't know who I am.Colin tells me, I'm Becky Ann, my parents are Cindy and Lloyd, I was born on a beautiful spring day in May in the Prince County Hospital, I have three siblings: one older sister, and two younger twin brothers. All of these things are true, yes. But those are just facts about me...I just...I... I don't know who I am, and it's taken a lot of thinking, and a lot of questioning to realize this. But today, I was just sat here thinking, and I thought to myself "Who are you?" And no answer came about. 

I know I need home, and I need PEI, and I need my friends to help me realize who I am, but I think I need to be away from them for a bit to realize this.

♥ b.