Maybe It's your Awesome Smile...

I'd really rather not listen to songs from High School Musical 3 thanks. 

It's HALLOWEEN. I kinda love halloween. It was pretty boring this year, I just sat at my computer, but I'm not gonna complain about that, because I did get to talk to that ONE guy who makes me smile millions. And Mama kept pulling me away, I was not impressed. But then I got to sit and talk for a while, which was good.

So we found some old halloween stuff today. Like my Elvis costume. Yes, I was that cool to have an Elvis costume. When I was young, I remember being a witch like every year. One year I was a girl from the 50's with a poodle skirt and a cardigan. The most recent of my costumes, was a Hershey Hug, which was actually a freakin' awesome costume. You can't deny. Well okay, maybe you can... But I thought it was pretty sweet none-the-less.

I had a fever today, it was not enjoyable... I think it was due to lack of sleep. Because I slept for a bit after I decided to no attend school, and I felt a little better. As the day progressed I felt better and better, and I found my prom dress. And a bandana. So of course I did the only thing any sane person would do, and put them on. On top of my clothes. It was a very appealing look. 

Let's have some fun. This beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick. Oh by the way, I've yet to click on that link. 

Ghostbusters II is on. I'm not watchin it, but I can hear it in the back. Someone just said 'Oscar! No!" Dramatic music is play as the woman continues to scream "No! No! Noooo!!" it's kind of annoying. Somebody shut her  up. 

Pfft. I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

♥b.

3-6-9 Damn You Fine

I'm hella ghetto tonight.

HELLA.

Well... maybe not hella... I'm just listening to a lot of ghetto like music. That makes me wanna dayunce. Just DAYNCE. Mostly I just need to Kristie-ify my music device, so when we roll through the roaring city streets of Ch'town, we can PUMP UP THE JAM. And make people jealous. They'll see us rollin'. Hatin' will ensue. 

This one song is dirty. It's called 'Come Baby Come' ... Think about it. 

Today was a phenomenal day. One of the best I've had it a while. I had like an hour of school altogether, not including the fire drill. 

SPEAKING OF. We were climbing the stairs. Climbing the stairs... What a way to describe it... It makes it sound like we were ROCK climbing or some shit. Well anyway, we were on our way up the stairs when RIINNNNG. Dayum fire alarm. THEN The fucking doors just closed on us. As if to say "Not this way bitches!". So yeah .. That was fun.

Back to the good-dayness.

We spent the whole day taking photos. Which, I simply love to do. The batteries lost their lives a couple times, but we managed to resuscitate them. No need to worry. Well, we got a few AMAZING photos, and some pretty hilarious videos, of sweet dance moves, and a one footed seagull. 

"Not trying to be rude or anything, but you may get into the building easier if you go through the door" ... Thanks.. I realize that, but sometimes I just like to try and just walk through that wall.

Let's go see The Killers and make-out in the bleachers. On second thought, can we make that a different band? I quite like the The Killers. 

My drinks may have been spiked. My face is as red as a tomato and I've got insane amounts of energy. Similar to that as if I was DRUNK. But I can assure you I am not.... Well at least to my knowledge^^

I really like this hat. Like, insane amounts. I don't think I'll give it back... Well Maybe... Someday... When I return that sweater. 

THREE CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES IN ONE DAY!? I may just get a sexual eruption from my CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES... Or you know.. I may not. 

I don't like fuzzy boots. I really don't, most girls, they like it. But I don't. Wanting a truck or a mustang does not make me BUTCH. It just doesn't. It just makes me a girl who wants a truck or a mustang. 

Insane amounts of happy you've just made me. Just insane amounts. 

This calls for the Ghostbusters theme song. Why's that you may ask, well I've honestly no idea.. I just saw it there. When there's something strange in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call? Fuck the Ghostbusters, call the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Can you guess who? No? Me either. 

I think I'll stop now, I'll leave with this. At this very moment, right now, I'm very content with just about everything. My location could be switched up a bit, but I'm working on that. 

♥b. 

This is for you

I don't know where to begin, I've got all these things I want to say to all of you, but I just don't know how. I've opened the page, and I sit-- no lay here and textually stutter and stumble to find the words to describe this. To describe this mess that is my brain. So I'll do a bit of Spring cleaning if you will. In the fall. 

For You: It's crazy to think I've known you practically my whole life, yet until recently I didn't know you at all. But when I think back, I wonder if we'd be the same, had it not all happened this way? I like how it is right now. And though we're not always together, we always find time to talk. And I quite enjoy that. Insanely so. You know what happens to me, and though I'm sure you don't understand it, you listen and you try to cheer me up. At times I must admit I don't want to be on the receiving end of said cheering. But when I just want to be alone, I can't imagine it. I feel like I need your constant reassurance that everythi-- that I, will be alright. So for everything you've ever done for me, I say thanks. Thank you for being just an absolute legend. Thank you for those attempts at cheering me up. Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for listening. Thank you for understanding.  I just can't stress enough how much you mean to me. This is for you. 

I love you. 

For you: Undeniably so, you are quite phenomenal. How can it be that I've become closer to you in a matter of a couple years then I have with people I've known my whole life? Well, I'm not sure, but I'm not really complaining.  I've honestly no idea how I'd survive without you.  Where you go I will follow. When I say this, I mean it to be the truth 100%. We can be together all day, and still have plenty to talk about at the end of it. With any other person, I find this difficult. I love being able to tell you almost anything. And I know, that at times you really don't want to hear about the stuff I ramble on about, but you listen anyhow. We sit together in complete silence and you know exactly what I'm thinking. And for everything you'll ever do for me, I say thanks. Thank you for the thousands of laughs. Thank you for the stomach aches. Thank you for allowing me to be who I am. Thank you for always knowing the song I want to listen to. Thank you for being my Enid. You mean more to me than an eternity.  This is for you. 

I love you. 

For You: I don't talk to you as much as I'd prefer, but when we do it's like it's been only a day since we last spoke. I absolutely love the conversations we have. One in particular catches my memory. It was on a night of goodby-- See You Later. It would be months before we'd see each other again, and we talked. Just talked. And of course took ridiculous photos. Every thought of you puts a smile on my face, even though said thoughts bring a slight sadness, because I miss you so. I love how you see the world's beauty. And that's just you. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. I just can't even e'splain how much I love all that you are. Your craziness, your awesomeness, your fantasticness. Just good things. Thanks are in order. Thank you for being there for me to talk to when I need it, even when you've got other shit to do. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. Thank you for being a person in which I genuinely admire. The world is hardly a comparison to how much you mean to me. This is for you. 

I love you

*******************************************************

So there you have it. This stuff has been floating around my head lately, and I just felt like you didn't realize how much each one of you meant to me. And even know, as I look back on what I've just written, it doesn't seem to put it all into context. I love each one of you in a different way, but I love you all equally. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That was hard for me to write, it actually was. But without these people I'd not be who I am today. I know this for a fact, and I know this is my second post today, well actually first, since it's just about one AM. But like I said at the beginning it's been hovering, and my mind needed a clean sweep. Not like they clutter my mind, but the do occupy a large part of it, and my heart for that matter. Just some words I needed to say.

Unconditionally,

♥b.

Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, but not mine..

So, I've decided I really like wearing rings. Like a lot. I normally don't wear them... On the fear I may lose them, but I haven't lost any in a while. And I've decided to start wearing them. Everyday. Then again, I don't do a lot of things I'm gonna. 

I feel like I'm trapped here.  In my house, on this Island, in my mind. I really do need to get out. I had the house to myself today, for a little while... It made me realize how bad I needed to just get out. I mean, Yes I do spend most of my time alone in my room, but that's only because I don't want to put up with the family surrounding me. And today, It was nice to get out of my room... If only for a little while. 

I'm feeling uninspired. Inspire me please.

I planned to do so much today, go out take photos, work on some paintings, do a bit of drawing. But all I accomplished was having a shower and getting amazing hair. Speaking of that amazing hair, I decided to let it dry out naturally today, instead of blowdrying it. Well, before I straightened it, it resembled that of a wildebeast. It was not appealing in the least. Mama thinks it cute... But I beg to differ. She has to say that, she's my mom. 

I collect pennies from the year 1989, so if you happen to come across such pennies, I would greatly appreciate it if you could give those to me.  No seriously, I collect them. I wait until I have large piles of pennies then sort through them till I find ones from 1989. I also collect movie tickets.  Yes. Movie tickets... From all of the movies I've seen since 2001. Seven years of movie memories. 

So I noticed that my eyes are looking particularly blue today. I really like it.  Sometimes they look hella amazing, or so I like to believe anyway. 

Ooh! The boys bought guns. Not real ones, airsoft ones. And they're fun. Only... The other night they were shooting at me the little buggers. And those damn things hurt, but they're some fun to shoot!

I love thunderstorms. I love the smell of rain, and freshly cut grass. I love cold days in the fall when the sun shines. I love the colours of the sky when the sun sets. I love music. I love this hat. I love photography. I love that moment after it's been raining when a rainbow appears for a brief second. I love the stars. I love my fways. But most of all, I love the way he makes me feel. :)

I kinda like Britney's new song. Actually not kinda. I'm slightly addicted to it. I just can't stop listening to it. Please administer a punch the next time you see me. I would appreciate it. 

At 9.16 I feel the sandman trying to put me asleep, even though I just consumed large amounts of caffeine. Hopefully it'll kick in soon.

I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me. 

♥b.

The best of us can find happiness in misery. 

I like the song, But I can't understand what you're saying.

There's been a hostel takeover of my soul. By what? You may ask. Well, I'll tell you. Sadness. I really have no idea why.  I just feel like there's not much to be happy about right now.  This started yesterday evening, and it hasn't gone away. I really don't like when this happens, but I 'spose I've gotten quite used to it, as it happens frequently.

I've decided that, it's 7.03pm, so it can't get much worse right? Hopefully. And if it doesn't than, that's okay too, because I've not much to do. 

The skies are dark, there was a moment when the sun almost shone through, but was quickly covered over with darker clouds. The temperature is colder than the coldest it's ever been(figuratively of course), and water is spewing from the sky. 

Brandon Flowers is telling me to say goodbye to soul and romance, and as much as he may want me to, that's just a thing I can't do. Sorry Brandon Flowers, Sorry. 

I can't. 

Also, if I could be told maybe why you'd rather not talk to me, I'd like that.  Because it's really starting to make me a bit angry. 

And, some happy is coming back. Yay for happy. Actually, I've just done about a Well not a 360, but more of a 270 turn in the emotions department. Woop. 

♥b.

Under A Blue Moon, I saw you.

Woo! The neighbor brought over the baked goods that taste like heaven again. Mmmm. 

But ANYWAY, today at school, I almost commit murder. I didn't... But I was tempted. 

The gist of the story is, there is this guy who basically told me that I based my vote on Hate-Campaigns against Stephan Dion. I'ma just edit this... Basically I just went on a rampage against Dion, and it suddenly occured to me I just did everything this guy did at school.

So, Here's the change. I didn't vote for Dion, because I chose not to. That's it. End of story. 

Hmm, what else happened today. OH! This guy from school, also seems to think that because he's got a slightly slower heartbeat than everyone else, means he's not a human. Like, seriously? I think he's got mental issues. He keeps referring to me as that 'human who voted poorly'. I'm pretty sure I wanted to throw my scissors at him. ALSO, he was wearing a horizontally striped shirt, with VERTICALLY striped pants. I almost had a seizure. 

Then I just went to ignoring him and took my drawing marionette and turned it into Michaelangelo, you know? The ninja turtle? Well that's what my marionette looks like. Nate made Donatello, the purple one that no one liked. Michaelangelo can kick donatellos ASS. 

Oh! Nathan, not that Nate I referred to up there ^^ but, my brother, fell on the floor, and had to get stitches. Well done Nathan, well done. 

And I think that's enough. Also, Just right quick, I think you should know that I'm a ninja turtle on the inside. I think that everyone's a super-hero on the inside, I just happen to be a ninja turtle.

♥b.

Wake up you're a Drama Queen.

Today my emotions were ALL over the radar. From pissed, to depressed, to happy, to meh, to Semi-happy. Which is my current state.

Semi-Happy. It's all I usually am, I feel a constant state of sad, yet there are so many things making me feel SO happy. Like unbelievably so...

We went outside to draw today, Branch-Rice sat in a bunch of water. We knew it was there, yet, failed to inform her. I guess that really wasn't nice of us. But oh well. We drew trees. Which is good because I'm really bad at drawing trees. Really bad... But I think this one will turn out quite spectacular. :D

Ooh! The neighbor made baked goods. She's brought some over, they're quite tastey. I don't even know what's in them. :O Oh no!! Maybe they're full of dead things!! What if I just ATE A COW?!?... No, It didn't taste like death. If heaven existed, it would taste like this. 

Yes. Just like this.

My face is really red, and hot. It's all hot and bothered. But not like THAT. You know, that ONE kind of hot and bothered... That's for another time.  I wonder if I'm ill. I dun wanna be ill. Because that means, no fun for Becky.. Not like Becky has tonnes of fun in the run of a day really anyway, but... Some fun. I get out of the house at least. And an ill Becky = a confined Becky. Trapped in the house of doom. 

Money saving starts now. Day & Age will be my only investment until I can save GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF MONEY.  So I can run away. I still don't know where to in the end though, but a stop in England fo' shiz. 

I'm being rushed. I don't work well under pressure. None at all, I get all frantic and start to spell things wrong, and put shit it where in doesn't belong. So on, and so forth. I just keep having to go back, and erase, and take that stuff out. And...

AHH MY FACE. It's sooooo HOT. 

Not in the sense like "Oh Beckyyy! You're SOO APPEALING" ... But more like a "Oh, Beckyyy! YOU'RE LITERALLY ON FIRE" kind of way.  Maybe I'll get a cool cloth. 

I think that's enough for now. Some words? "Bamboo". "Sony Ericsson". "Wayfarers". "Love". 

It's all in my room. 

♥b.

Fame.

I went for a run today, an honest to god run. I don't run. I just don't. Mostly because at random times my knees like to fail on me. But that's okay... I had some shit on my mind that needed sorting... So I grabbed my tunes and ran. It was great. I think I may do it more often. 

But then again.. I probably won't. 

Labels for this post: Scooters? Vacation? Fall? No.. none of these. None. 

I don't even know why I started writing this, I read a whole bunch, and I felt the need. I read one about a guy who I creep on youtube, who is having issues with being gay. Well .. It's not that he's having issues, he just doesn't know how he can let people know, he just doesn't want his het friends being different around him. And that makes me sad for him, but then again... Any friend who decides to not like him because he's gay, really isn't that great of a friend if you ask me. 

I'm pretty sure, school is being hella annoying. I just feel like I'm paying thousands of dollars for nothing.  Absolutely nothing, I just draw... Which for what I wanna do is absolutely crazy ridiculous. I don't need to be able to draw to write and take photos do I? Didn't think so.

Home is crazy ridiculous. I really need to NOT be here anymore. But alas my lack in funds is keeping me here. And I really don't enjoy.

Oh. Mama's pissed because my room isn't clean.. I spose I should go and do that. 

Is there a reason that EVERYTHING is annoying the piss out of me. 

Well minus that ONE thing/person. 

♥b.

I don't want 400 babies

Hmm, I wonder is everyone feels this way? Do they feel what I feel? Does their heart skip a beat?Is it every 3rd one like mine?

GAH! I just can't get over everything that's been going on in my life. It's like "POW" Punch in the face with: Excitement, Sadness, Joy, Empty. Suck a contrast in all that I feel. It's just crazy RIDICALUS(intentional spelling error). 

Oasis just came on. It reminds me of high school. More specifically a friend I had in high school. We were close. The kind of close that you wouldn't understand unless you were us. Thinking back, she and I had some great times, and sometimes I wish we had never had this falling out. She had changed, I had changed. We knew it. She was drifting towards love, and I was drifting away from her. I am sad to say her heart was broken, and that is genuine, but all the same, had she not fallen for this guy, I'd never gained one of the best friends I've ever had. So, he brought along another guy, whom without I can't even imagine what my life would be like. And I dun want to.  Then, there's another, who thanks to several classes together ending up being the best sister I've ever had. They're all fantastic men, and I lo'e them so. 

Sometimes, I don't miss our friendship at all.
? 

Watch out for Swe Swe Oo on monday. Careful Hans Hameline, Careful. 

♥b.

Kiss My Eyes.

The security breach has somewhat been resolved, I still have minor trust issues though. 

I've recently become OBSESSED with David Bowie and Iggy Pop. Have you ever listened to a playlist made entirely of the two? It's DEADLY. Like absolutely mind-blowing.  A piece of my brain dies every time I listen to it, but in a good way. And woo! Blog is an excellent source of procrastination.  An analysis of Monet's  'Garden at Vetheuil'. Safari tells me that Vetheuil is spelled in correctly, Safari is not very intelligent. So this analysis, it's not coming along very well. I forgot my book at school, and can't remember what exactly it is I need to do. Say hello to the bullshit Branch-Rice. 

The Liberals are winning. This is just baffling my mind, because the Liberals are CRAZY. Crazy I tell you, I mean at least Mary Crane(Conservative) told me to have a good day. You too Mary Crane,You too. I hope she had a great day. 

I've been bingo dabbed. I am NOT a bingo card, I am NOT B-5. I'm just NOT. 

Photo's have been uploaded! I'm so excited, I feel like I'm getting better. I'm sad that I lost my Photoshop though, I guess MS Photo Editor will have to do for now. 

AHH! I'm soo happy!! Like words can not even describe the amount of happy I'm feeling right now:) He's PHENOMENAL. Just brilliant. Eeeeek! My face is like perma colon-dee (:D).

Ooooh! We've started painting in school! I love painting :D. I'm very excited. A change is in the brewin's

I spose that's enough for now, Monet is screaming.  I leave you with some words "Orange" "Reaction" "Hemlines" "Egyptian" "Daisies". Ponder them. 

♥b.

Coming out of my cage.

There's been a security breach. My computer has been invaded and my personal thoughts, work and conversations have been read by someone who was not meant to read them. Luckily the subject of my sexuality had not been found. My secret love affair with the English man across the way however has. I am not impressed by any of this and have installed car alarms and surveillance cameras to my computer. Well no, I just changed the password and preferences so I am the ONLY one who will be able to get into any of it. Unless you know my password. 

On a side note, I've so much homework to do, that the 'rents keep grilling be about, and I just dun wanna hear it any more. They've already invaded into my life enough as it is. Leave me be and let me do my shit. Serious anger is felt towards them. 

I wonder if tomorrow will be better? I wonder if all of the days following tomorrow will result in a happier Becky, because god knows, this sad one is horrendous. Heroes is on tonight. I'm excited for that. I think I should go and finish wasting away my life talking to people I spend too much time with, and some who I don't even know. 

I hope for Sunshine in the near future. 

♥b.

An Introduction

I feel like I've been strung a web of lies. LIES. In just about everything that's happening, and I really don't know how else to describe it. Everything (for the most part) in my life is progressively getting worse, and I just let it. School is absolutely ridiculous and I really can't understand why I'm paying 5000$ dollars for it. Everything we do is just so monotonous, and redundant. I really don't like it. Very small class though, which I like... I mean there are only 11 of us, so we know each other quite well, which is good. When I first started I was terrified, because I didn't know anyone, and I don't like not knowing people. I'm quite sociable and I really need that human interaction to keep me going through the day. But, being the outgoing person I am, I mingled well and have some friends :).

So the big question remains. Why the blog? Well I just feel there are somethings I need to write down, some stuff that I can't verbalize because my mouth won't allow me to let any noise out of it. For today though, I entered a brief introduction, hardly significant to the intense that is what's going on in my life. So for now I leave you with these words "Goat, Lamp, Tree, Shoe". Ponder it. 

♥b.